Archive for Funny Tweets

Friend (seeing my bookcases): Wow, have you read all of these books?
Me: Have you?
Friend: No.
Me: Then yes. Yes I have.

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No lie: When the plane landed I had 9 texts and my 13yr old had 343.

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Everybody has a photogenic memory, some just don’t have film.

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Good health is merely the slowest likely rate at which one can die.

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When life hands you lemons make lemonade & locate someone eles who life handed them vodka & have a party.

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If you are in problem, if you want a hand, just call my number, because I’m your friend!

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Nobody can obtain the truth out of me as even I don’t know what it is. I keep myself in a constant state of utter confusion.

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